alexander the terrible

Ok, I am the biggest procrastinator EVER, but typing this blog is way more important than my fundraising project right now. I'm afraid that I will be less fired up if I wait until later...and then no one will understand the severity of what I witnessed at the playground this morning.

It's pretty cold here in NYC, but at least we got the stroller muff so nannies and snobby mothers can quit staring at me as if I just beat Ava in public. I mean, come on ladies...it's not like I have Ava out in shorts and a t-shirt...as Kai-lan says: "calm down". Anyways, Ava and I went to the park this morning and it started out really nice because only the "cool" people take the kids to the park when it's a little chilly and there were only 3 other kids there. I love this because Ava can get a lot of large motor practice without being intimidated by all of the bratty kids (and adults) that are usually there. So Ava loves to go up the ladders and go down the twisty slide by herself now and it's the cutest thing to watch how proud of herself she is when she lands at the bottom. As she's walking up the stairs she sat down on the step for minute and this little PUNK who was younger than her just comes up and starts shoving her!! My first reaction is to grab that little kid up and toss him over the playground fence, but I wait. I want to see what ava will do. Of course she just sits there and takes it even though we have had SO many talks about saying "NO" or "I don't like that" when someone wrongs her. Finally the mother of little Alexander comes over and says in the nicest way ever "No, Alexander honey, be gentle." I mean, that's what I used to tell Ava when she was 16 months old and chasing after OG (the cat), not when she was forcfully shoving kids at the park for no reason. Well, she actually never did that...hmm I WONDER WHY?? Alexander the Terrible huffs away and my poor Ava just walks down the steps, head hung, singing "I see a firetruck...". I see the tears welling up so I pick her up and we have big cuddles and I tell her again that she can say "NO" when someone is hurting her. I want to cry myself at this point because she is just so caring and sensitive. I also want to say something to that mom and her precious Alexander. Ava moved on and went back to the jungle gym until a group of boys come in with their teacher who lets them pretty much have a wrestling competition on the jungle gym. Here comes Ava again, same face, same tears.

I can tell she's had it...so we went to check out the hippies' rally about harmful chemicals that was going on across the park. She actually was never quite back to herself for the rest of the morning. I know some of you might want to say that she needs to "buck up" but, she is not a cry baby AT ALL so when I see her so hurt by something I know that she must really be upset and hurt. Alexander is a total punk ass. Ava may be a little sensitive, but I gaurantee she's WAY cooler than stupid Alexander...like go by Alex, you aren't cool because you go by your full name. He probably isn't allowed to watch TV, eat ice cream, get dirty, or talk to his parents...so he takes his aggression out on the cute girl at the playground.

Wow. That was a rant. Phew. Don't mess with my girl!

all righty then!

a few updates, since ava and i are stuck in the house with colds/coughs:

• Last Thursday: So Ava, Amanda and I had a HUGE day at Central Park, American Girl Store, and carving pumpkins. After dinner, i was doing laundry and Ava did not want to go down the hall with me. So I leave her in the apartment playing with her Little People barn under the watchful eye of TWO, yes TWO grown ups (I won't name names in case someone reading this decides to call Children's Services...but not Colin)! As I'm pulling clothes from the washer and shoving them into the dryer, I hear a small knock on the door and "Lala, i come in?" I open the door and laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. Ava is standing there in an almost two small green t-shirt and NOTHING else, dragging the HUGE Little People barn in behind her. She didn't find anything funny about it. She simply walked past me and situated her little naked self and the barn in the corner of the laundry room and continued playing. As we come back in the apt. I notice that none of the responsible adults are phased by the fact that Ava was no longer in the apartment. I then ask if anyone noticed that the naked two year old left the apartment. No one did. Oh did we all have a good laugh...
• Liz and Colin went to Chelsea Day School's open house the other night. Those of you who aren't from New York would not believe the amount of competition there is to get your TODDLER into a preschool. It's a freaking nightmare. Go out and Netflix Nursery University and you'll see what I mean. The best part about Chelsea Day is that Ava is in competition with Kyle MacLaughlin's (spell?) three year old for one of the EIGHT spots. This guy is of course better known as Trey MacDougal from SATC. Ha!! Scooner. That's an awesome celebrity encounter.
• Ava and I are both a little sick. At this moment she is zoned out watching Olivia on Nick Jr. It may be the cough medicine I gave her so that she would quit climbing all over me and coughing on me. She told me: "you can go and shee your mom amanda and barb." she thinks amanda AND barb are my mom. that's funny.
  

everyone poops

So, Ava has been potty trained for most of the summer. On our second try, she really took to it and never had poop accidents. Now, all of a sudden she is acting like it's the biggest pain in the ass (no pun intended). She hasn't pooped in 2 days and i have to practically put on a complete stage performance to get her to sit on the potty for even 3 minutes. I can't figure out what happened. I gave her a whole bunch of prune baby food, hopping that at least she will be more comfortable. I've bribed her with stickers, treats, trips...yeah, she doesn't care.

While she was at school today I went and bought her "Everyone Poops". It's this kids book about pooping. It's kind of funny, but I can see how some people would be offended by it. We read it before nap and she takes one look at the little Asian boy on the front and says: "He's really freaking out." Ha! I tried to explain that he was trying to poop in the potty, but she insisted that he was freaking out. Whatever, I was tired of talking about poop. I plopped her in a pull-up and made a wish hoping that her bed would not be covered in poop when she woke.

Not to fear, I'll keep everyone posted.

for the love of an alpaca

I feel like I haven't blogged in awhile. Let me tell you, it's NOT because Ava has ceased to do anything spectacular. I've just been super busy.

On Monday this week, my parents were in town and we took Ava to the Bronx Zoo. She had an amazing time. The only thing she would talk about the whole bus ride there was seeing the polar bear. I think she only wants to see the polar bear because that's the animal that she associates with the zoo. Go figure. Turns out, she found a new love...the alpaca. I'm not 100% sure why she would pick this strange looking farm animal to obsess over the entire visit, but she LOVED it. I got her a little alpaca food from the vending machine and she practically jumped over the fence and shoved it in the alpaca's face. At this point she is repeatedly saying: "eat it paca, eat it." Her bossy little spirit was taking over. Of course I tried to get her to nap in her stroller...no such luck. She was so delirious by the end of the day that I was at a loss for what to do. She started going absolutely crazy on the bus, singing the Wonder Pets theme song at the top of her lungs. To add to that show, she had extremely bad gas and I seriously felt bad for the people around us.

Yesterday was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL fall day. I guess we deserve the four straight days of rain that we have coming. err. Ava was in awesome spirits. We walked down to the farmer's market to buy Amanda a little pumpkin and get one for Ava as well. Ava found one that was literally the size of her toddler size fist and she LOVED it. She kept saying: "little tiny baby punkin." We also bought two Honey Crisp apples to eat on the way to the park. Ava was in absolute apple heaven. I didn't hear a peep out of her for almost 20 minutes. Then...the inevitable. Of course, Lala has to get a photo of her looking so cute and fallish with her big homegrown apple. As I stand back up after I take the photo, I watch in what felt like slow motion as the apple plummets to the ground. I stood there for awhile, seriously considering picking it up and finding a place to rinse it off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Ava was looking at me as if I just killed her puppy as I tossed the apple into the trash. I felt so bad and gave her a quick hug. I could see it coming. That instant that the kid can't hold it in any longer, mouth open in a horrified wail...then the ear piercing screams. I almost cried because I knew how good that apple was. I carried her all the way to the park promising that we would go back and get hundreds more on Friday. Aw. Then, she peed her pants at the park and I told her that we had to go home since she peed her pants...again, horrified wail.

She was having a rough day for a day that started out so perfect!

Today it's pouring down rain and freezing. When I picked Ava up from school, she was super happy to see me. I decided that her and I would make turkey chili for dinner, just because it's that kind of day. When we are in the grocery store, I am pushing the stroller with one hand and pulling a basket with another. I realize that although Morton Williams is close to her school, i can never go there again with her. The aisles are so narrow that her stroller bearly fits down them. She was in her stroller and I swear, she asked me at least 30 times what I was doing. "Lala, whatchu doin?" I couldn't get out of there fast enough, but NOT before Ava knocked down an entire display of Kit Kat packages. I scowl at her as I pick them up and she says: "Lala, whatchu doin? You happy? I happy." Oh little darling, I still love you!

palmolive is not just for greasy pans!

It has come to my attention that Ava is definitely making progress with her occupational therapy. This is great news...right? Well, of course it is, except when in involves Vick's vapor rub. So, what could Vick's have to do with Ava's small motor skills you ask? Evidently a lot. I have realized that she can now open jars.

On Friday evening, AFTER I had taken her on an exciting trip to Chuck E. Cheese she decided to thank me by doing two of the most disgusting things she could think of.

1. We were reading the book Annie's Chair for the millionth time and I began to smell something funny. I ask Ava if she needs to go potty and OF COURSE she says no. I continue to read and the odor continues to get worse. I look at her and ask again and she just sits there staring at Annie and her boring old chair. I pick her up, feel her bottom (thinking she probably had gas), and discover that she has POOPED HER PANTS! I ask her why she didn't go poop in the potty and she just says:

"I sorry Lala, mommy be mad?"

I told her that mommy, daddy, and Lala do not want her to poop in her pants because she is a big girl now and explain for the hundredth time that pee and poop goes in the potty. Then she asked me if I pooped my pants!!!! I said:

"Ava, Lala does not poop or pee in her pants because Lala is a big girl and Lala does not like to be yucky." She just says, ok.

She has been potty trained since the beginning of the summer and all of a sudden she is having bad accidents...it's kind of frustrating. We'll keep working on it!!

2. After I clean her of poop I tell her she can play in her room while I make dinner. She happily goes in her room. As I am making crescent rolls, I realize that it is oddly quiet...which is NEVER a good sign. I call to her to ask her what she is doing and she doesn't respond but I hear her moving around on the baby monitor. I go to the doorway of her room and a familiar and pungent medicinal smell smacks me in the face. Vick's Vapor Rub. I look at her and realize that she has pretty much emptied the jar and rubbed the greasy, smelly goop all through her hair and all over her body. She says: "I pretty Lala." I don't know whether to vomit from the smell, laugh, cry, yell, or what. I stood there for about 20 seconds before I could deal with the situation. There was not much to do except throw her in the bath and try to get the stuff out of her hair. After washing twice...she still had hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in a month. Wow. Thankfully, Liz asked her stylist and they suggested using Palmolive (it cuts grease for real)! Her hair is back to being beautiful, but it was then that I realized that all gels, creams, etc. needed to be moved from her reach. She's definitely not a baby anymore!

After all this, I decide that I am ready for the weekend. I wished Liz good luck, kissed precious little Ava's greasy head and high tailed it back to Brooklyn. :)

chuck, tears, and good advice

Today I took Ava to Chuck E. Cheese. She has been talking about it for two weeks and I figured that a Friday is a good day to take her to get all sugared up. She was so excited! Sure, she climbs up the ski ball ramps instead of throwing the balls up there, but that's ok. She usually just ends up running around tearing up that place on a root beer high while I play the easiest games possible in order to win a sufficient number of tickets to get yet another purple beaded necklace or "neckle" as she calls it. I don't know why she is obsessed with this place lately, every ride she attempts she wants off of in 2.2 seconds. oh well, the whole idea of that place kind of freaks me out.

Last night, Colin beat Liz home and for some reason this sometimes makes Ava a little unsure of what the hell is going on. Colin was wanting a cuddle from her and she wasn't at all complying. I told her that Daddy was "sad", so she looks at him and says: "Daddy, you go in your room and calm down." Ha!

Yesterday she also said what may have been the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Unfortuntely I slept in yesterday to an ungodly hour b/c of:

a. Amanda's birthday
and
b. my HORRIBLE alarm clock

Long story short, I was exhausted and felt SO BAD that I was so late. I was feeling pretty down and cried a little. I never cry in front of Ava, but I was feeling really bad! She gave me her bunkie, after she wiped my face with it, and said:

"Don't cry Lala, I love you."

This made me cry even harder. Words can not explain how much I love this little girl! What a sweetheart. Of course, then she kept asking me if I was going to cry again. She was so concerned.

Well, I'm off to read. More next week!

Lala is back!!!

So, I know I need to get it together and keep up with this blog. So far I have no readers. Well, I guess I need to post it on my facebook or tell somebody about it in order for anyone to read it. I got this idea from my friend Julie's sister, Kim. Her blogs about her three kids were making me laugh really hard and started me thinking about the funny and sometimes scary things that Ava does. Plus, this will be a good place for her family and friends to check in on her from time to time!

In reading my last blog, I found was complaining about the Bugaboo. Since then we have gotten rid of that nightmare and gotten a Maclaren. You can not imagine my relief. I'm not getting carpal tunnel...no I'm not. Strollers will always be a pain in the ass, but the Maclaren has proved to be the lesser of the evils.

Ava is going through some kind of stage (I hope it's a stage). She simply does NOT listen to anything I say unless I threaten her with a time out. It's so embarassing. I hear myself threatening a two year old with an elmo stool in the corner and I want to slap myself in the face. Isn't this WHY I spent thousands of dollars to have a degree in education? It just goes to show you that nannying is COMPLETELY different than teaching.

Speaking of nannies...it's hard for some of us to receive respect in this city. Now, I'm not speaking of the actual family that I work for. They are as always, the BEST. Here's the deal: I'm at YAI with Ava yesterday waiting for her to finish her therapy appointment and I'm frantically reading my assignment for my class that evening when a mom comes in with her son. She sees me "studying" (as she called it) and looked at me like I was crazy. This is how we conversed from there:

Her: "Are you STUUUDYING?!!!"

Me: "Just reading, I'm in grad school for non-profit management."

Her: "Are you nuts? You're a mom AND getting your masters?"

Me: "Oh, I'm Ava's nanny." (I know what's coming so I cringe...)

Her: (Relieved, but shocked) "Oh, you're a NAAAANNY! Then of course you have time to go to school."

I just looked like her like she was clearly an idiot. Now, I'm not saying that being a mom and going to school would not be difficult, but does this mean that being a nanny makes it easy to get a master's degree?? Is this lady so deluded that she doesn't see the "good" nannies in this city pushing Bugaboos full of toys and kids and groceries? Isn't that what she does as a stay at home mom? It's hard. I sweat buckets everyday, peel glue off my arm hair, finish half eaten chicken nuggets, wipe snot off my clothes, and chase after a two year old at the park. AND YES, lady...i go to school. Phew...I needed to get that out there.

Anyways...this is supposed to be about Ava, so Let me get back on track.

Ava is speaking in full on sentences that make me laugh really hard. The other day, I woke her from nap and she started jabbering on and on about this sheep that she wants me to get down off of a shelf. Now, her mother and I have told her time after time that she can not play with the particular sheep. (It's more decorative and meaningful than a regular toy.) I again tell her no and explain that she has a million other animals to play with. To this she says: "You get a ladder and get it down Lala." Ummmm...I don't even know how she knows what a ladder is.

She has also started a preschool alternative program that she goes to two mornings a week. I leave her there, which is something that I thought she'd have more trouble with. Instead, she basically pointed me to the door the first day and told me she would see me later. It also comes as no surprise to me that she apparently is an angel in her class. Hmmm...I want to show her teachers a video or something of her throwing an absolute fit when Liz won't let her watch Dora. They can't BELIEVE she would ever have a tantrum.

From here I could go on about my disgust with Dora the freaking Explorer, but we'll save that for another day!

Read more!!!

Rainy Day

Today is Monday and it is also extremely rainy here in Manhattan. As much as I love to take Ava out, I can't bring myself to do too much when it's raining. Her Bugaboo of course come equipped with the essential plastic rain cover...but what about me? I have to steer the beast of a stroller through the rain with one hand while I attempt to hold a broken umbrella above my head. Ava is yelling in the stroller "Pleeee Lala, Pleeee". I can't hear her unless I stop to see what she needs. If I do I have to bend down and dump the rain all over my pants. To top it off, the diaper bag and bar that is typically used to manuever gets SOAKED. Then when we do decide to go in anywhere, people look at my like I have a problem because the Boo and the plastic cover are dripping water all over the floor.

All that being said, some days it's not worth it.

Ava took it like a champ today. Right now she is laying on the floor propped up on her elbows watching Yo Gabba Gabba. There's a topic, Yo Gabba. I can't believe that I allow Ava to watch this ridiculous show. It really freaks me out. Of course she can probably sense this fear so she decides that it's one of her favorite shows EVER.

She helped me with the laundry today. This really only consists of naming every item that she pulls out of the washer. (paaants , sockies, jacka, bunny, jammie) She got bored with this fairly quick. She was in the corner and starts saying: "Where are you people? Hello?" I mean, i don't know what she was talking about, but it involved some wire clothes hangers that she found in the laundry room.

Oh god, I'd better get off here she is engulfed in Gabba beyond belief.